A Bengbu woman returns to her roots

What do you think is going through the mind of a woman who has not been to her home country in nearly 19 years?


These days, there are many online forums for adoptees to voice their thoughts and feelings, and there are many agencies that offer heritage tours.


What do you think I can offer her?  The things I have seen in my 18 years of travel to China?  I can tell her of the changes to her hometown, from an American perspective, of the incredible transformation of China that is only now starting to slow down in its growth and expansion.

In my time, I have seen the explosion of the internet, highways, modern buildings, skyscrapers, and high speed trains.


The Bengbu skyline has changed dramatically.


We will take her to her finding location.  I will introduce her to the woman that gave her her Chinese name.


I can't wait to show her everything old and new about Bengbu, and watch her and observe.  I told her already, that I will be needing tissues, I'm sure.

A New Kind of Trip

Bengbu is very near and dear to my heart, but my children are not from that orphanage.  My family photo is absent from the collage I put together for the staff. 
Providing assistance to the orphanage and strengthening links between the orphanage and adoptive families have provided me with such joy and happiness.  I have commiserated with parents on various topics and concerns that parents have -- baby trafficking, RAD, developmental issues, orphanage care, and birthparent searches.  While our children grow before our eyes, we talk about the day when our children will come to us with questions, and we theorize on how we will answer them.  We search websites, listen to "experts", pay money for finding ads.  We feel guilt as well as sympathy.  We hope our manic questions and searches will somehow make that phrase better when we face our children and utter those words we dread to say,
"I'm sorry, but this is all I know".
I can picture their faces, looking at me with despair, those unanswerable questions still remaining unanswered.  I won't be able to give them what they need to know.
Parents often apologize to me after their barrage of questions, which often turn confrontational and angry.  They sense deception, or perhaps even make it up in their own head in order to be angry and scream into the darkness and the mystery of their child's beginnings.
I know the feeling.
But I never expected that a confident young woman, a Bengbu adoptee, would approach me, and ask me, "I want to go to Bengbu".  She wanted to do something for the children, and see the place of her birth.  She had examined a lot of heritage trip packages, but asked if there was something she could do with me.
I was terrified at first.  I knew I was approaching that precipice of uttering that dreadful phrase.  Then I was humbled and honored.   A voice came from inside me, and I swear it wasn't mine, that responded, "of course, let's do that".
I have watched as other adoptive families have gone on heritage tours, and have wondered about the epiphanies they experienced.  Our daughters still have not expressed interest in returning to their orphanages or examining their roots, but perhaps this is because I have infused their lives with "China" on a constant basis with my charity work and my personal love for the country.
This bright young woman, just 4 years older than our oldest daughter, told me that she felt the same way, up until her first year of college, when she began feeling the need to connect with her roots.

The Surprise

Part of the reason I have helped the children of Bengbu is to maintain the connection, a link, between the orphanage and the adoptive families that trace their roots there.  These are the families who have precious children whose lives begin at the unknown nexus of Bengbu SWI, a place that contains all at once sorrow, happiness, despair, hope, agony, and peace.  It is a place of darkness, and a place of light.  The unanswered questions that remain there are the source of our Faith. 

 

We have all viewed the darkness of their lives and our own.  From that nothingness, a supernova of light emerges.  When we hold our children in our arms, our souls soar, and hope springs eternal in our lives.

 

Bengbu is very precious to all of us, and I do my best to respect and honor that meaning for adoptive families.

 

Thus it has been hard to hold the secret of this trip, because of what it means to other people.  In particular, to one very special person.

 

For 10 years I have carried an illuminating torch to Bengbu, and have helped many families strengthen and understand the Red Thread that binds us to Bengbu, and have been humbled and proud to be one of the links of the chain that provides assistance to the children that remain there.

 

But just a few months ago, I received an email.  It was not from the parents who came with questions or with gracious support.  It was from a voice I had not heard before – a Bengbu adoptee.

 

She spoke to me not with a voice of a child, or the voice of her parents, but with a voice of strength, and consciousness that I knew was inevitable, but for which I was not prepared.  She said, “I want to go to Bengbu”.

 

And so, an entirely new journey to Bengbu begins for us.

Getting ready for Shanghai

We leave in just a few days for Shanghai.  We have an additional shipment of hand-made quilts that are coming with us for the orphanage, but we haven't put all our luggage together yet, so we don't know the final count.  I don't know for sure if we will be able to take all of the 35 that we received from a group in Michigan.  The blankets are beautiful,  but I just don't know if we're going to have the room in our luggage.  We'll take as many as we can.

We will also be taking a poster with us for the orphanage, which shows a number of Bengbu adoptive families all together.  Thanks so much for all those families who helped out with this photo project!

All roads lead to Bengbu

It’s been a long time since my first trip in 2005 to Bengbu.  What started out as an interesting challenge for shipping logistics has developed into a personal discovery of my very identity. 

I have met some amazing people along the way, and have been blessed to come to know several families and beautiful children.  I have developed long standing friendships with local volunteers, and have cherished the repoire of trust with the orphanage staff. 

After 10 years, I finally pore over the data of the past.  Of all the families I have delivered messages for, of all the donations we have made for the children.  I have a list of over 200 families from all over the world.  The donors that have been so generous, giving each and every year for our cousins.  I am so humbled, and so honored to be a part of the team that has done so much for the children. 

We have funded therapies and surgeries.  We have provided special needs equipment, medical supplies, books, and baby formula. We have supplied beds, blanket, furniture, and computers.  And, just as for our children, these items do not languish on the shelves, but are used, worn out, outgrown, and we ask donors to provide for them again.  And they do. 

Just so incredibly awesome. 

I am especially proud of the fact that we have participated in a Chinese New Year donation every year since 2006.  Many times adoptive families want to do something that really CONNECTS them with the orphanage.  They want to know that what they are doing lets the people there know that they feel connected to them in a deep way.  

  Spring Festival in China is synonymous with “family connection”.  Symbolic gifts of clothing, shoes, food, and “red envelop money” are very impactful ways of showing the children, the staff, and the community that WE ARE HERE, and that we have a connection to Bengbu.  And I am so grateful for families that donate in order for us to maintain that connection to Bengbu SWI.

 

  I invite the reader to click on the links to see the previous blogs to see our past journeys in detail, and in photos. 

 As with every journey to China, they all have a significant twist, with each one challenging me, and deepening my understanding and appreciation of the children and the staff at Bengbu.   

  This trip will be no different.

  We will be providing a donation of warm clothing for the cold winter now closing in on Bengbu. I will also be checking in on Meng Lu, a bright young man, now 25 years old, who has spent his entire life in the orphanage, and is struggling to make it on his own, despite his physical disabilities.  With his extremely sharp mind, and his pride, he is working to save money to get a job as a taxi driver. 

  I will be with my family on this journey, which includes our 2 daughters, both adopted from China, although not from Bengbu.  My youngest daughter will be celebrating her birthday this year in the land of her birth.  It will be a very special time for us to be all alone together.  

  And we will have another very special twist to our journey, which I will hold as a good surprise for our blog readers.  It will be a very memorable trip, indeed!