Sacred Ground

Much of the reason why I love Bengbu is because it is a spiritual place for me.  I think this is defined as "a place that gives you a feeling that you have yet to fully understand".  We are drawn there, by forces we don't completely understand.
  There are several places in Bengbu that have very profound meaning to a number of children (soon to be adults).  Many I have been to, and I enjoy sharing in my blog.  On this trip, I visited the current orphanage (1), I took pictures of the location of where the orphanage used to be when it was on Dragon Lake (2003 to 2007) (2), and the orphanage where it used to be prior to 2003 (3).  As I mention in prior posts, and I'm sure to countless times to Emma, is that the old Bengbu, as well as many other places in China, are being completely eradicated and rebuilt.  This is not just a case where old buildings are being refurbished, or old streets are being repaved.  Entire city blocks are being demolished, and new road plans, along with new skyscrapers are being erected.  This seems to be nothing new, especially in the case of the old orphanage from prior to 2003, which is where Emma spent her very short time before coming home to Indiana.
  This orphanage(3) was completely torn down, and a "new" outdoor mall was erected in its place. The only vestige of the old orphanage that still exists is an electric transformer that is between telephone poles.  This mall is now old, and now only exists as a distributor mall, where shops from outlying areas in Anhui can come to buy merchandise in bulk.  I must admit it looks a bit run down now.


Here's how it looked in 2005:

Notice the electricity transformer up on the poles.  This is the only vestige of the old orphanage.  I expect that this may be replaced before too long.




Here's how it looks today:

I think the overall dated look of these buildings and the facades is based on the fact that this is a distribution center, and not catering directly to the end consumer.  So the overall look to the building does not NEED to look nice, it only has to contain cheap products. 


As a coincidence, the Wanda Realm hotel is nearly across the street from this mall, and I was able to snap a few photos from the upstairs executive lounge, albeit the fog/smog was not cooperating.

 

 

There is a similar story for the temporary orphanage on Dragon Lake.  The structure was originally designed as a hotel for hotel workers who serviced other vacation rentals along the lake.  This structure has been completely erased, and unless you knew where it was, you would never know it ever existed.  The only remnant of this structure is a water tower that existed at the time of the orphanage.  It now serves as an ornamental structure that is turned into a windmill (in appearance only), as you can see below:

Behind the "windmill" in this view was where the orphanage once stood.  Now it is landscaped all the way to the lake's edge as part of a beautiful park that meanders all along the western edge of Dragon Lake.




The present orphanage(1) will be discussed in a later post.




But there's a 4th place that I haven't mentioned yet.  This is a place of profound meaning to adoptees, which is their finding spot.  As China adoptees know, there is precious little information about their origins.  Emma had, like many families, a sole document with standard wording which had meaning primarily in legal space.  She had known her city, which her parents did not have the chance to visit in the late 90's.  Now she, and her mother, had returned.
 She had known her orphanage, which I knew the location of, but was no longer standing.  She and her mother had now visited there.


 There was still further into the darkness that she could wander.  She could look to see where exactly it all began.  Where the official documentation that she had in her hands ended, and the mystery began -- her finding spot.


 I knew a little more truth about this as well.  I knew that the wording in the document contained a few more snippets of information beyond the words themselves.  This is common to all writing everywhere, which is context clues.
  Fortunately we had with us a lifelong resident of Bengbu - Tao ZhiYong.  He had known Bengbu from the time of Emma's birth.  I have heard from another Bengbu family, of another family that has hired an investigator to also hunt down these context clues.  I would very eagerly like to know of anyone else who has done this for their Bengbu children, and the details of which service they have used, and what they have found.


  In any event, we were able to find some additional clues as to Emma's finding location.  We were able to visit this sacred ground.  Unfortunately, this area is rapidly undergoing change, and the structures that existed at Emma's birth are torn down.  We were staring at an empty lot.




I love this photo.

Tell me what you see beyond those bars.  What details can you make out?  What answers are behind them?  We all sat for a bit, in respectful silence.  I looked to Emma, and wondered what she would do. Would she climb the fence?  Would she take a rock, a piece of rubble from the demolished building behind it?  I knew the feeling of Emma's mother, standing behind her.  There was no reason for her mother to jump that fence.  The unknown beyond was unnecessary.  Emma's mother had all the answers she would ever need to know standing in front of her.




This is where the trail, as much as we knew, ended.  This journey's end.




So far, Emma has all been a part of us.  We have been with her, and a part of her journey. She has looked to us for guidance, for support, and we have carried her here.  But now she alone looks outward, for a vision that none of us are a part of -


  Her history.


Her future.


Her finger hits the button on her cellphone, and the photons of light are captured on her tiny device.  Even if I were to see the amalgamation of colors, I could not possibly see it.  What they reveal to Emma are for her and her alone.   I believe that the image and its meaning will change over time, each time she looks at it, along the road and the milestones of her life, but this is just my guess.


I grab Emma for a hug, knowing that it means very little to her, but I allow myself to feel happy about my quest, which is very rare for me.  I immediately feel guilty about this, because my selfless act has become now selfish.  I pray for forgiveness.


As the climax subsides, and we look around our mountain of an event, we begin to look downwards, and survey the climb back.  But, as I have ALWAYS experienced in the past, once you try to start downwards, a shadow appears out from the mist.  Your eyes squint and strain to see it, and to bring it in focus.  What is it, in the distance?


It's another mountain, of course.


There were clues that were left with Emma, at the trail head.  What about the birth family?  Where could they be?  The trail is not completely cold, the Red Thread lies there in the dirt, beyond the path.  When we pull on it, it pulls back at us. 


It is not the end.  It looks to me like the beginning of another chapter.


Will Emma pull at it more?  We have yet to visit the orphanage..... We will see....